I can’t express all of the joys adoption has brought. I can’t really compare it to having biological children. Many adoptive parents with biological children say its just as special, just in a unique way.
Being an adoptive mom is strange. And like I said before, I can’t compare it to being a biological mom, however there are definitely differences. An example is when Tek is screaming (and I know those that have spent significant time with him do not believe that he screams… but he does!) As a first time mom I freak out a bit. What’s wrong with him? Why won’t he sleep? I read the books, I search the internet. I find dozens of things I can do. But then I become a first time adoptive mom and freak out more. What if this is unhealthy for his attachment? What if he is scared? What if he thinks I am abandoning him? So I read the adoption books, I search the internet. (How did our mothers know what to do without the internet??!!) They all tell me to do the opposite of what I first read. So, I ask mothers around me, each with their own opinions and ways of doing things, but they don’t have a son that was adopted. Their son has not been moved every 2 months in his short life, their child sees their biological parent every day, their child has not spent most of their life in care centers. So, even though what they did worked for them, it won’t necessarily work for us.
So what do I do? I continue to read, I continue to freak, I continue to endlessly search the internet. I try my best to stay connected to other adoptive moms and I pray. I pray a lot. But mostly, I just do the best I can do and hope that I won’t mess up Tek too bad.
I guess in the end I am no different than any first time mom, we all just do the best we can do. We learn from our mistakes and we find what works for us. We spend most of our days worrying and most of our nights hoping for sleep to come. We love our children dearly and hope that we won’t mess up too badly. And the most confusing part is… we wouldn’t trade this for anything.